Sorry - Judas and Peter

The motives of Judas in betraying Jesus are not clear. In both Matthew and Mark, he goes to the Chief Priests with his offer to hand Jesus over directly after the anointing at Bethany, implying that there might have been a link; in John, the first indication we have is at the Last Supper, where Satan enters into him, and he goes out into the dark. (Matthew 26:6-16; Mark 14:3-11; John 13:21-30). Whether there was a direct connection between Jesus’ reaction to the anointing and the decision of Judas to hand Jesus over is not clear, but possible. I can imagine a situation where Judas has his own ideas about Jesus’ ministry, and gets quite uptight about the fact that Jesus is not fulfilling them; where he is full of self-righteousness, and feels that handing Jesus over will prompt him to start whatever mission Judas had in mind. It is also possible that Judas went into the handing over with his eyes open, knowing what he was doing … or thinking he did. We do know that he regretted it, according to Matthew (27:3-5), and that he died soon afterwards, although Matthew and Acts give different accounts of that (see Acts 1:18-20). However it happened, it was not an easy end.

The other disciples do not come out of the account much better; none of them betrayed Jesus, but Peter denied him, and the others ran away. That they had some awareness of what was to come we know from John’s gospel, where Thomas says they should return to Jerusalem with Jesus that they might die with him (John 11:16); the accounts of the Last Supper show that Peter and the other disciples all claim they are ready to go to death with Jesus (see Matthew 26:30 – 35). I am sure they were sincere in saying this, but they were also not prepared for the reality of what would happen. Jesus prepared himself by praying, whereas the disciples all fell asleep (see Matthew 26: 36 -46). It would be easy to criticise them for this, but it is worth remembering that the emotion and distress of the evening may well have contributed to their sleepiness. All the disciples run away, except for Peter who follows Jesus in to the courtyard of the High Priest, putting himself in the situation where he would deny knowing Jesus. I have some sympathy with Peter, who had said he would not fall away, and who follows where the other disciples do not. But, like them, he is not quite ready for the reality of being in that courtyard, alone and surrounded by people who might give him up if they knew who he was. So he denies ever knowing Jesus, until the cock crows … when he remembers Jesus’ words, and goes out and cries bitterly. (see Matthew 26:69-75).

What strikes me is the difference between Judas’s reaction to his betrayal and Peter’s reaction to his denial. Both are aware that they have failed Jesus; both are aware that have done wrong. But Peter goes out and cries, whereas Judas returns to the Chief Priests, where he receives only rejection. Peter’s tears seem to lead to healing, whereas Judas is left in despair. Yes, the two acts are different, and we do not know if Judas would have been welcome among the disciples, had he returned, as Peter evidently was. But what I really want to look at is not a comparison between Judas and Peter, but how we react; about how ready we are to acknowledge when we have failed, and how we respond to that failure. Do we respond with despair or tears? With denial or repentance?

These are not opposites; it is quite possible to feel all of them and sometimes they can be mixed up together. It can be a struggle, even if we know on one level that we are forgiven. There is still a need to come before God to say sorry. This may happen regularly at services, but it is also beneficial to spend time with God acknowledging our own particular failures. This may happen in our personal prayer, but there are also ways in which we can confess before a minister, such as the Sacrament of Confession. It might be helpful to have some sort of pattern, for this is something it is easy to gloss over; it is not comfortable acknowledging where we have gone wrong, but it is a fact of all our lives, and essential for a healthy relationship with God (to say nothing of our relationship with ourselves and other people).

It is also worth pondering how we as a church respond when people come to us in despair, as Judas went to the Chief Priests. Are we able to help them, to give them a glimmer of hope, or is our response similar to that which Judas received: what’s that got to do with us? It is worth remembering that there are different ways of saying this, many of them non-verbal. There is not the space here to talk about forgiveness, or how we respond when someone has done something that hurts or abuses another, other than just to acknowledge that forgiveness does not mean excusing or ignoring such behaviour. People who come to the church may be wrongdoers, victims or simply people in need of help; how we respond reflects the God who we know is Love. While we will not always get it right, and we are not called upon to solve all problems, it is worth spending time on thinking about the question: how do we and how can we respond to those in despair? How can we best show those we meet who God is?