Silence

There is much to learn when you join a Religious Community; one of the most important is where and when you should be silent. Places and times of silence help to maintain an atmosphere of prayer; the details will differ according to the Community, although one you will find in most places is the Greater Silence. Commonly lasting from after Compline [Night Prayer] until after breakfast, this is exactly what it is. Strict silence. There may be times when talking is necessary, due to an emergency, but in normal circumstances, there is no talking. A silence settles over the Community overnight. Again depending on the Community, there may also be times of silence during the day. Some talking may be permitted during this time, but normally work related talk, rather than conversation. Not that there’s anything wrong with conversation, but these times encourage prayer and help keep the focus on God. Places of silence are normally silent at all times; in CAH the Chapel, the Corridors and the library were all places of silence. Admittedly, even then, some conversation might be necessary, such as with visitors in Chapel, or if two Sisters were working together in the library. But the idea is to maintain the atmosphere of prayer: so silence in Chapel is an obvious place; silence in the corridors, because these were places where sound could travel; the library was not usually a place to sit and converse; there were other places for that. The Sisters’ sitting room often held special gatherings, such as anniversaries, and was a normal place to meet when we were not in silence. On top of this, there are regular times of retreat, when we were in silence for several days; again, the focus is on spending time with God. There is no talking at all during retreat times, unless an emergency happened, or to the retreat conductor. While the silence rules are important, and needed to be kept, it is also vital that they are not inflexible; that they do not become idols, so important that the origin is forgotten and the reason is lost; that, far from promoting an atmosphere of prayer, the rules become the reason why they are kept, and, in so doing, the prayer is lost amid an atmosphere of rigidity. Of course, it is possible to be too flexible, so that the silence is lost! Getting the balance correct is key.

It is not just the outer silence that is important; inner silence is necessary too, and this can be rather more difficult. Our minds jump everywhere, and it is easy to follow wherever they lead, but, in so doing, we can be avoiding silence and, possibly, in so doing avoiding God. There are no simple answers to this, and it will depend on the individual how to respond. It is important not to condemn or get anxious about it, as this often just adds another layer to the inner noise; concentrating on breathing can be helpful; also just to gently bring ourselves back in to the silence. The outer silence is there to help cultivate the inner silence, to deepen our prayer and our response to God. The struggle to maintain an inner silence is valuable, even if it is felt to have failed, for the struggle for silence is part of our relationship with God, and staying with it tells God how serious we are.

But how is all this relevant to people who are not living in Religious Communities, and who may have little opportunity to develop silence, or feel that they have far too much? Many of those who came to stay with us for a silent retreat valued the silence and space for prayer, and felt a real connection with those they were in retreat with, if they had joined a group retreat. Others, who lived on their own and spent much of their lives in silence, felt coming away and spending time in more silence was unhelpful; they valued the time to pray, but wanted to be able to talk to people as well. Both are valid. The point of this blog is not to pontificate on how Religious Communities work, or to encourage others to live by their values, especially where this is not possible or helpful. It is to raise the possibility of silence; to raise the possibility that you might find it beneficial to make some time and space for silence in your life, however that might be arranged. Granted, I am aware that, in some cases, it might feel attractive, but not achievable in your current circumstances. But for those for whom it is possible, is it worth spending time thinking about how silence might work in your life, whether it would enhance prayer time, or whether or not it might be helpful? Is it worth setting aside some time each year to review, not just silence and its possibilities, but also how your prayer life is, and whether any changes need to be made?

How could silence look in everyday life, as opposed to a convent? It might be as simple as setting some time aside each day when you will turn off your TV/Radio/podcast … and spend some time silently; it could be that your prayer will be more enhanced if you start some time in silence before you begin, rather than going directly from whatever you prefer to listen to. It might be that silence at home is not possible, but that you can find it when out for a walk, or by spending time in a local church, or a nearby park. Of course, if you are outside, you may well be interrupted. I can remember once, when I was in silent retreat and out for a walk, I was stopped by someone who wished to talk about a relative who had been in another Community. By stopping, I was (in theory) breaking silence, but I felt that this man might well have no idea about silence, and to refuse would seem rude. It enhanced my silence much more by stopping, talking, and sinking back into silence afterwards, rather than insisting on silence and getting upset by it. Silence is a gift, not a law; one that should draw us closer to God, not drive us away.  If silence is a possibility in your life, it is a gift that we can use; but also one that we need to work at and enter into.