Alive!

So there we have them. The disciples. They’re shattered, lost and have seen their world end. Jesus is dead. You cannot come back from dead. They’re huddled together, staying in Jerusalem, not quite ready yet to give it all up and go home, back to their old occupations. But, who knows? Maybe some of them think back to those warnings Jesus gave them about his death (see Matthew 17:21, for example). Maybe some of them start to wonder if, maybe, just possibly, it is worth them staying together for whatever happens next. Maybe.

But they know Jesus is dead. They were not there, but the women have come back and told them what they saw. They know that life as they knew it, with Jesus, is over. They know, too, that they have failed. Especially the twelve. Ten of them ran away, rather than staying loyal to Jesus; Peter denied him, and Judas betrayed him. So much more is going on for them than Jesus’ death; but that has to be the main issue. Jesus is dead, and not only dead: crucified, hung on a tree, and killed in the most shameful way imaginable. They knew he was the messiah, but now he was gone.

I wonder what they thought when the women came back with tales of Jesus being alive? Luke tells us that they thought them idle tales (see Luke 24:11), whereas in John’s gospel both Peter and the disciple whom Jesus loved went to see the tomb. Thomas is famous for doubting the testimony of the other disciples. It must have seemed fabulous, a response to extreme grief. Yet, not long after, Jesus appeared to them also: Jesus really was alive. He met with them, touched them, ate with them. This was no ghost or communal fantasy. This was real. Jesus, who had been killed, was alive. But alive in a completely different sense to Lazarus, who had been dead four days before Jesus raised him. Lazarus was brought back to life, but a life which would someday end again. Jesus’ resurrection life was one that was beyond death. They must have been overjoyed, but somewhat stunned, as well. It was a completely different mindset, and I suspect that they could not take on board all the implications at first. How could they? But they knew that Jesus, who was dead, was now alive again.

That Jesus could not stay with them as he had done before his death may not have been obvious. The message to Mary Magdalene to ‘not cling to me’ (John 20:17) was relevant to all the disciples. They had to move on in their relationship with Jesus, and they could not cling to how life had been in the past. Staying in Jerusalem until the Holy Spirit came was vital; they needed a new way of being, a way that would take them to places that they had never imagined, and to become people whom they would not have anticipated.

We, too, are called to follow the crucified and risen Jesus; we, too, if we follow will be taken to places we have not known. For some of us, those places will be physical, for others not. But it is vital that we know who we following. We are not just following Jesus who was risen from the dead; we are following the Jesus who lived, died and then rose. We cannot appreciate the resurrection in all its’ fullness if we have not also contemplated the crucifixion. We can only follow Jesus if we know him to be our crucified and risen Lord. We can only follow Jesus if we know how he is our Lord and what sort of King he is. For we have a Lord whose throne is a cross; we have a Lord who reigns by serving; we have a king who overthrows all our human images of power. If we follow Jesus, who died and is risen, we follow the way he trod, by taking up our own cross and following his way. Are we ready?

Are we any readier than the disciples were for quite how this will take over our lives? Have we even begun to sense the full majesty of the crucifixion, and therefore the total joy of the resurrection? Are we able to let go of the Jesus who may exist in our imaginations and begin to know the Jesus who lives?